Leading with Love First: A Conversation with Barbie Wong

On this week’s episode, we’re speaking with music educator and speaker Barbie Wong. Barbie is a Suzuki Piano Teacher, holds degrees in music from Stanford and Smith College and gives wonderful talks and workshops on raising musical children.

In this episode, Barbie Wong shares about the importance of community for young musicians (and their parents!), about supporting our children in music practice through the idea of love first, and remembering the difference between practicing and playing.

You can scroll down to find the full transcript of this conversation at the bottom of this post.

To Listen to the full episode you can find the Time to Practice Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Audible , Google Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform.You can also listen directly from the link below:

Highlights from My Conversation with Barbie Wong:

“I’ve researched over 50 musicians to try to uncover what was happening in their childhoods to see if they had any similarities. One of the big factors that come into play is essentially when they were kids, they spent time making music with other people. And so that’s just so much more fulfilling. I mean, that’s essentially why I’m here. I actually hated practice until I went to music camp, and suddenly, I was in a community of people. And it was so much fun because, you know, music shouldn’t be done in isolation. It should be done in a group of people with people for people, for others. And it can be done for yourself . . . And I think also for parents too, we need a community. “

On the Important Work Parents are Doing:

“I commend all parents who are spending time with their children with practice. because that’s . . . it’s not easy and just, I would say just, just doing that is an act of love. Just knowing that you want your child to make music and to love it. it’s a labor of love.”

A blue square with a gold border that says " “I commend all parents who are spending time with their children with practice because it's not easy. Just knowing that you want your child to make music and to love it is a labor of love.” Barbie Wong, Epsidoe 43, time to practice podcast

On one of Barbie Wong’s favorite practice tips:

“I think when it comes to practice, I think the first thing to realize about practice is that it is not an easy process. That practice is different from playing, you know practice is the hard work that you put in so that eventually you can get to the playing part, which is really easy. And so because practice is so hard or it can be so hard, then I like to use the peak end rule to really make practice a little a lot easier. And so the peak end rule basically is a scientifically based idea, which is that people remember not the average of the experience that you have of an event, but they remember the peak experience and what happens at the end.

And so if you can start and end each practice session with something that’s fun or positive, then your child more likely, then not, they will remember those parts much more easily.

I usually just say, “Hey, when you start your practice session, you can play whatever you want as a warmup. “

And that’s the time when the parent cannot say anything negative about the child’s playing. Because even if your child is messing it massively or playing like a speed devil, it’s okay because you want that part to be sort of the playing part. The same with the very end of the practice session end on something that your child really wants to play. And regardless of if your child just practiced something and did it in a certain way and then they play something and they’ve messed up on it, still don’t say anything because you want them to end on a high note. So give that a try, and I’m curious to hear how it goes for everyone!”

Listen to the full episode to hear all of Barbie Wong’s wonderful advice for families of music students!