Last month I had the pleasure of presenting research about the real life ups and downs of parent-child practice at the International Research Symposium on Talent Education ( http://www.irste.org/) in Minneapolis.

This research will be part of a resource about about practice that I am just starting to work on. Because the project that will take awhile to be published, I want to share the results for those who could not attend the Symposium. 

What is it really like for parents to practice with their children?

After I wrote Beyond the Music Lesson last year, I had many follow up questions from parents about specific challenges they were having with their children while practicing. It became clear that the topic of parent-child practice should be my next focus area. 

To address issues that parents were struggling with, I wanted to find information beyond my own experience practicing with my children and the experiences of families I work with in my studio.

I knew how hard it was for me to practice with my daughters, and I saw that families I work with often had similar struggles. But, I didn’t want to assume that everyone’s struggles were the same so I set out to find out from a bigger group of parents what it was really like to practice with their children. 

The Research

My research was gathered by a google form with 10 questions total. Over 100 parents participated. 

The form was distributed to parents through their teachers, the SAA discussion boards, and Suzuki parenting groups online. The truth is: those that came across the form and took the time to answer were likely very committed parents or they wouldn’t have encountered, or taken time to fill out, the form in the first place.

I think it’s fair to say that this research shows what it’s really like for dedicated and committed parents to practice with their children.

Ages of Students

The graph above shows the breakdown of student ages at the time parents participated in this research survey. You can see there are college age students, for which parents were reflecting back on their time practicing, a group in the 2-4 year old range, and everything in between.

Results:

100% of people had a struggle. A couple participants got kicked out of the survey before this question because they didn’t actually practice with their child(ren), but literally EVERYONE else had a struggle.

As a musician and teacher this number doesn’t surprise me at all, however every time I’ve shared this finding with parents they have been legitimately surprised to hear it.

I think parents can feel like we’re exaggerating when we, teachers, tell them that everyone finds practice hard. It’s great to have this data to point to and say “No, really this is hard for everyone”

The Biggest Struggle 

This question was asked as an opened ended question but the answers clearly fell in a few main categories (see chart above). Here is how the three main categories broke down:

Time

was one of the struggles. That is not surprising to me as a teacher, but the fact that only 25 percent of parents reported it as their biggest struggle was interesting.

The Parent’s Role:

This was the biggest category and included things like: not knowing how to get to everything, not having the patience, not feeling up to the level of energy it takes, and (the biggest one) struggling with how to give feedback in a way their child will accept.

Child Behavior:  

This made up 24% of parents’ biggest struggles and included things like: being unwilling to practice, problems focusing, power struggles and meltdowns, not willing to listen to parent.

 

Overwhelmingly what is working for parents is being consistent and having a routine (54%).  Another big factor that makes practice work for parents is the parent attitude and family involvement (15%).

I found it interesting that tracking systems, reward systems and Games all came up with small percentages because as teachers we often spend a lot of time coming up with activities like these for our students.

The more I think about it though, the more I believe that these activities support the parent’s ability to keep things consistent and create routine. All of these activities are worth the effort because they connect with different students to help them with the practice habit.  

The Best Part of Parent-Child Practice

On a positive note, I wanted to find out what parents found the most rewarding about practicing with their child. What makes all the struggle worth it? Here is how the biggest three answers broke down:

40% :Seeing Improvement on the Instrument. This included improving technical skills, ease of playing and the sound students were producing on the instrument.  

35% The Parent-Child Bond: This included having one on one time with their child that they otherwise wouldn’t get, understanding their child in a unique way, and learning to work together effectively.

16% Character Development: including traits like persistence, focus, and developing a work ethic.

How Would you Describe to Another Parent What it is Like to Practice with your child:

There were answers that were positive, negative and some that were neutral and just described an action that takes place when practice happens.

The biggest answer however was a mix of two things: it’s hard but it’s rewarding.

 

Here are a couple of quotes that I think are worth sharing:

“Practice with my children was the hardest, but most rewarding thing I did with them.”

 

“I feel like I play team sports, with my child – every day”

 

I can feel and relate to the intensity in that last answer.

1. Everyone has a struggle

I would say to you that if you are a teacher and a parent smiles at you and says everything is great, either they have already worked through some of these struggles or they may not feel comfortable sharing it with you.

Parents might feel embarrassed, they might feel like they are the only ones or that it says something about their child’s “ability” to be struggling this way. One parent came up to me after my talk at the conference and said that for her there was not outlet for her to share this info with the teacher without her child there, and she didn’t want to bring it up in front of her daughter.

Along these lines . . .

2. Be the Kind of Teacher Parents Can be Open With

Give parents opportunities to share, without their children there. Listen and offer solutions.

I think we need to ask parents: “Which of these are you struggling with the most right now?” rather than “How is it going?” Give them some common struggles and see what applies to them and also normalize the fact that we expect something will be hard, and we are here to help.

If we can help more parents work through these practice issues we can help more students thrive in lessons and reach their potential.

3. Modern Families ARE busy, but That is not Necessarily The Main Issue

If we ARE busy and have limited time with our children why would we spend it fighting with the over practice?

Also, it is much easier to say to our teacher “we didn’t have time this week” than “we fought with each other every day and I don’t want to spend my time that way.”

If we look at what people are struggling with most: 56% of it was the parent role and child behavior. This is an issue that needs to be addressed in addition to time.

1. Acknowledge the Reality:

this is hard. Parents are struggling. It helps to know that we are not alone if we are struggling to practice with our own children.

2. Share solutions that are helping others:

You can share this article with parents. You can provide opportunities for parents to get together and share what has worked for them with one another.

3. Point to the benefits or best parts of practice:

if parents feel like all this is worthwhile if they see their child improving their skills, if they see an improvement in the parent-child bond, or see them developing as people then those are things we need to emphasize with parents as we see them improving. We can offer an outside perspective and encouragement.

4. Offer solutions not judgement:

Let’s keep things positive and offer support where parents need it. Making sure parents know we understand this is hard and we want to help can open up lots of conversations and is the best support we can offer sometimes.

If you would like to share your experience or any resources you’ve found related to this topic I’d love to hear from you! You can leave a comment below or send an email to Christine@SuzukiTriangle.com

©2018 Christine Goodner