The middle school years can have their challenges. This article is first in a series about teaching & parenting music students during the teen years. 

Middle school is both a wonderful age and a challenging age. 

In my parent talks, I always start talking about this age group by saying:

Never before has your child needed more positivity and encouragement, and never before has it been so hard challenging to do so.

This isn’t true for every child, all the time. But in general, this is the age where students start to strive more for independence. They also start to become more concerned with what their peers think (rather than their parents).

This is a normal part of their development. Rather than be offended at these changes, we can work with where they are developmentally.

For further reading I recommend reading this article about how to motivate middle school students http://www.teachhub.com/how-motivate-students-tips-middle-schoolers

Here are a few things I think really help when communicating with our middle school children and students: 

1.Keep it positive

If parents and their children are arguing about practice at home at this age, I encourage parents to let me know right away. I think it is wise to let the teacher be the one who delivers constructive feedback. As a parent, I encourage you to stick to positive and supportive comments. Your relationship with your child is more important than a perfect practice session.

2. Be sure there is a social aspect to music 

In the middle school years students start to be more socially motivated. They crave social interaction. This is the time to make sure they are involved in an orchestra or a small ensemble of some kind. If practicing is just time alone with their instrument, to get ready for the lesson, it is not sustainable for most students. Find a social outlet for your child’s music.

This is personally what kept me interested in music during these years.

3. Set goals and come up with rewards

What are our goals? Some students want to play a particular piece of music or reach a certain level of accomplishment. Sometimes they want to improve technical skills, like vibrato.

Whatever it is, students at this age need a measurable goal of some kind. If you’ve never asked your child or student what their own personal goal is, I recommend doing so. As teachers and parents we have goals in mind. The student’s goals are important too and knowing what they are can help us tap into what will motivate them.

As an adult, I sometimes challenge myself to meet a goal and then reward myself with something fun – a new book to read, a treat at the local coffee shop, new music to learn. Setting up a fun reward, with your child’s input, can help on days when we just don’t feel like getting started.

Author Gretchen Rubin recommends a reward that feeds into the habit we are working on, so with that in mind the reward could be music related.

4. Help boost motivation

At some point an internal motivation to improve will kick in. But, even for professionals there are things we can do to keep motivation high. Some ideas include: listening to great music your child is interested in learning, attending live performances, and being a part of a group that regularly performs.

If motivation is low right now, what can you do to help build it? It’s important to be striving towards something, not just practicing for the sake of practice or because someone says we should.

5. Mutual respect

Developing a relationship of mutual respect when working with students of this age is extremely important. Ideally it starts when they are even younger.

It’s easy to get frustrated with our children in day to day interactions, but a relationship of mutual respect helps keep communication open through the teen years and into adulthood. I found with my own teenagers that hearing them out and really listening to them actually made them more likely to listen to my advice and take it to heart as well. As parents we can set the tone for this.

6. Have a Sense of Humor

Middle school students often have quite the quirky sense of humor. As adults interacting with them, it goes a long way for us to keep our sense of humor when communicating with them too.

Laughter together over something silly, or even a ridiculous situation we find ourselves in, is a great way to connect with this age group.

7. Tell them what you see in them 

It is easy to focus all the time on what this age group is doing. What are they accomplishing? What are they never doing, that we wish they were? Between school expectations and what they see in the media, it’s easy for this age group to feel like they are never measuring up, or doing enough.

I encourage you to point out to your child and your students at this age who they are.

You are a dedicated musician

You are really focused when you set your mind to something.

You really care about other people.

Sometimes we can see a little glimpse of who they can be as adults if they work with their strengths. Point out those things about who they are to them. Sometimes we get to see these things come out first through music and the arts and it’s a valuable opportunity to have a big impact on how they see themselves.

You can improve communication with your middle school child(ren) or students by keeping these ideas in mind. Staying positive, communicating with mutual respect, and being willing to find the humor and laugh together go a long way to keeping communication open and more positive.