This post is part of a series on the blog about helping teens succeed in music. You can read last week’s article about 20 Ways to Encourage Your Teen in Music HERE. 

I am a huge fan of Gretchen Rubin’s work, especially her newest book all about the Four Tendencies. If you’re not familiar with this idea, this is the author’s framework to explain the four ways people respond to expectations placed on them, either by themselves or others.

Once I realized what my own tendency was, according to Gretchen Rubin’s definitions, it made a huge difference in how I was able to work with myself to meet my own goals and to understand my reaction to the expectations others placed on me.

For musicians, there are all sorts of expectations we encounter from teachers, parents, conductors, and from ourselves.

Understanding how we naturally respond, and how we can work with themselves to reach goals, and requirements we must meet, is a huge advantage. It helps us in music and every other area of our lives too.

The link to take Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendency Quiz is HERE 

 

Based on Gretchen Rubin’s great book on the subject I want to share each tendency and some ideas for musicians to work with their tendency to meet their musical goals.

 

Upholder

Rubin defines Upholders as those who are good at meeting outer and inner expectations.  Basically if they make a goal they will stick to it. If someone else expects them to do something, they also will do that. They tend to love routine and following the rules.

Ideas for Upholder Musicians:

• Map out a practice routine for the week to put your inner expectations down on paper.
• Set goals with your teacher so you are motivated by their expectation for what you will accomplish over the week, as well as your own.
• Create deadlines, for example how far in advance of a performance a piece needs to be memorized.
• Getting things done is a high priority – so create checklists, or other systems where practice and bigger goals can be checked off and tracked.
• Remember that breaks in routine may be unsettling, so have a plan mapped out for breaks in lessons like over the summer.

A note to parents and teachers:

The book mentions that upholders often take on comments from others about what they “should” be doing.  As adults we may make these comments in passing as a fun idea, but if the person we’re talking to falls in this tendency they make see it as a real expectation we’re putting on them and it can cause stress and unnecessary pressure. It’s good to keep in mind!

Questioner

Questioners meet their own goals easily but struggle to meet expectations other people have for them unless they understand and buy into the “why” behind them.

Ideas for Questioner Musicians:

• Find lots of resources (teachers, online communities etc.) to gather information about what you’re learning.
• Be willing to spend time doing your own research because it will motivate you to meet your goals, and the goals of your teacher if you know why they are important.
• Read everything you can about composers of the music you are studying and performers on your instrument.
• Trust that, in the end, your teacher has great reasons for what they are having you study and learn.
• Work with your interest in having a system and come up with a good system for your own practice.

A note to parents and teachers:

It’s important to explain why we are learning what we are to questioners. Often they will buy in wholeheartedly once they see the reason. They aren’t being difficult – this is truly what motivates them.

Obliger

Obligers can meet other people’s expectations of the, but struggle to meet their own.  Gretchen Rubin often talks about the importance of accountability for this group in order to meet their own goals.

Ideas for Obliger Musicians:

• Make a practice goal with your teacher and check in with them halfway through the week or after meeting a certain percentage of your goal.
• Ask for very specific goal setting from your teacher, or an accountability buddy, or group.
• Arrange to give periodic informal performances so you have an outside expectation to have music prepared to play, which will provide practice motivation.
• Set an alarm on your phone and change the text to say “Practice now” or “Time to Practice”.
• Play with a group, like an orchestra, where others are expecting you to show up with your music learned.

A note to parents and teachers:

Even though Obligers will meet other’s expectations most easily it’s important not to put too many expectations on them, especially ones that don’t line up with their personal goals. This can definitely backfire!

Rebel

Rebels resist expectations others put on them and the expectations they put on themselves.  Often if they are told, either by themselves or others, to do something the first reaction is no.

*On a personal note this is my tendency. I accomplish a lot but, I have had to learn to focus on who I want to be as the driving force for motivation because the idea I “should” do something gives me almost a physical reaction against doing it.

Ideas for Rebel Musicians:

• You may want to ditch the organized systems and checklists everyone is always recommending,they will likely not work for you.
• Consider strategies like: How many repetitions can I do before the timer goes off? Writing tasks on note cards and shuffling them up so you can randomly pick one at a time.
• One strategy Gretchen Rubin mentions in her book is creating a “could do” vs “to do” list. A “could practice” list allows some choice and freedom within each day’s practice.
• Who do you want to be as a musician? Defining this can help drive your motivation. For example: I want to be a violinist with a beautiful sound, or who plays music at a certain level.
• What works for me is having a few potential times each day to practice so I don’t feel boxed in to a rigid schedule.

A note to parents and teachers:

Working with a rebel can be a challenge. It’s tempting to come on stronger with the “shoulds” and “have tos” when they are not being followed. The best thing you can do is to appeal to the kind of person they are, and want to be, instead.

 

The book The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too) by Gretchen Rubin is full of further ideas and insights and I highly recommend picking up a copy.

Again you can take her four tendency quiz HERE

Musicians, both student and professional, come up against very high inner and outer expectations as they practice every day. Learning to work with our own reaction to those expectations can have a profound impact us. I hope this overview is helpful as you work with your own tendencies, your children’s and your students.

 

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