The Connection Mindset in Music Practice

“There’s a world of difference between insisting on someone’s doing something and establishing an atmosphere in which that person can grow into wanting to do it.” – Fred Rogers.

This article on connection is part of a series on three mindsets we can develop as parents and caregivers working with our children & teens during music practice. You can read the intro article here and the article on growth mindset here.

When we talk about the mindsets that adults can adopt to make music practice with their child successful, this quote sums up my goals for home practice. 

Practicing an instrument is hard work. It takes complex planning and thinking skills. Practice can be frustrating and sometimes overwhelming to students who haven’t yet developed into effective, independent practicers. Not to mention the patience it takes to work on the technical skills themselves that we need to play and make music.

As adults helping with practice each day, developing a connection mindset for music practice is a key component to successful practice sessions.  

Feeling connected to an adult, who is helping us figure out how to practice, makes a huge difference.

Part of what we are doing as the practice coach is helping spark the desire for learning. We help by working through the process together. The teacher maps out how to get to the next step in our lesson, and we help coach our child through the steps involved. 

Of course, the teacher can’t do the actual day-to-day work for us. Students often need help to make the assigned steps from their lesson easier. They need assistance to remember all the details involved.

Helping our children do this effectively can feel like a big responsibility. Some students need more guidance and help than others and we tend to find this out through trail and error as we learn to work together.

A challenge: It’s easy to see practice each day as an intense time of getting things done. We may focus only on checking off boxes on a to-do list if we’re not careful. For some students, only accomplishing tasks without the human connection in practice can get in the way of learning.

Of course we want to get things accomplished. We want to see progress. But, what if we changed our approach to one where we focus on enjoying the time we have together? What if we focused on learning to understand what helps our child learn best? What if we focused on the opportunity to connect?

I learned the hard way, through practice with my own children, how transforming it can be to our practice routines to treat practice with our children as a chance for connection, rather than a battle of wills.

For many of us, practice might be a rare moment of concentrated one on one time. That can be a true gift. But, it’s a gift that is easy to miss without being intentional about our time together.

I have to make a choice to connect with my child through music practice. I have to choose to focus on quality time together, learning about my child, and deepening our relationship. If I’m not careful it’s easy to miss this opportunity for connection and get too focused on accomplishing assignments as my only goal.

This means we think about accomplishing tasks and connecting with our child every day.

Here are some ways to think about cultivating a connection mindset or approach, to your practice at your house:

·       Start practice with a connection point: read a story related to music together or check-in for a few moments.

·       Play a quick game that involves cooperation.

·       Give high fives, hugs, thumbs up and in other ways acknowledge your child’s effort.

·       Point out the progress you see. Reaffirm that you believe your child will make progress with time and effort.

·       Articulate the fact that you enjoy spending time together in practice.   

We get to help our children learn how to practice. We also get to show them that we are there with them through the ups and downs. If something is overwhelming or frustrating we will be right there to coach them through.

We can offer support and help even if we don’t know the answer or aren’t the expert. We can find out the answers or find someone who can help. 

You don’t have to be a musician to support your child’s practice. The key is to show up and to work together.

Focusing on the connection and the supporting role we have in practice helps set up a working relationship and practice environment that helps music students thrive. Done well, it sets them up to develop the tools to practice independently in the future.

As a parent, I think this connection mindset is what helped music practice turn into a time of bonding with my own children in a deep way as we learned to work together. We became a team. I learned to better work with them, and they learned to work with themselves through our daily connection in the practice room. I hope you find the same is true in your family!